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Couples support · Ontario

Couples Counselling After Stillbirth

Get Reconnected offers couples counselling after stillbirth for partners who need support with grief, communication and their relationship. Sessions are available online across Ontario, with in-person appointments in Toronto subject to therapist availability.

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Two partners speaking with a therapist

After your baby dies, being together can feel different. You may want comfort from your partner and find that neither of you knows what to say. One conversation brings you closer; another leaves you feeling alone.

Counselling gives both of you time to speak, listen and ask for support. You do not need to be arguing, considering separation or grieving in the same way to seek help.

Start with a free 15-minute consultation. Ask about a therapist whose work includes couples and pregnancy loss, and find out whether the approach feels right for you.

When you are grieving the same baby differently

One partner may want to talk about the baby often. The other may become quieter, focus on practical tasks or return to work. When you are grieving too, asking what your partner needs may feel difficult, especially if your own needs seem to have gone unnoticed.

Silence can feel like indifference. Questions can feel like pressure. Neither response tells the whole story of what a partner is feeling. Alberta Health Services describes these differences in its guidance on partner grief after stillbirth: Partner grief after stillbirth

The partner who carried the pregnancy also faces physical recovery after birth. The other partner may feel expected to manage arrangements or stay composed. Both deserve support, without comparing whose loss matters more.

Stillbirth counselling can make room for each person's experience while helping you notice what happens between you. You might need different things on the same day. You can work towards communicating those needs more clearly.

How couples therapy after stillbirth can help

The work begins with what is hardest for you now. Your therapist can help you identify relationship patterns and agree on practical goals, alongside space to grieve.

Talking when words feel difficult

You may avoid mentioning the baby because you worry about upsetting your partner. Or you may keep asking questions because you cannot tell how they are coping.

For example, one partner might ask repeatedly whether the other is okay. The other gives shorter answers, trying to avoid an overwhelming conversation. Both leave the exchange feeling misunderstood. This is an illustrative pattern, not a client story.

In sessions, you can practise naming what you need, checking an assumption and asking whether now is a manageable time to talk. Sometimes the aim is a brief conversation with less pressure, rather than finding the perfect words.

Guilt, anger and recurring arguments

Thoughts about what happened, what you wish had been different or what you could have done can be painful to carry. Anger may also become part of grief after stillbirth. In counselling, you can explore how anger affects your conversations and what each of you needs when it surfaces.

You can explore how guilt and conflict affect your relationship, recognize when a conversation is escalating and practise returning to it more carefully. Questions about the medical cause of your baby's death belong with your healthcare team.

Tommy's discusses guilt and anger following stillbirth: Coping with grief after the loss of a baby

Closeness, affection and intimacy

One partner may seek physical closeness while the other needs more space. Touch, sex or conversations about the body may bring up grief, anxiety or difficult memories.

Counselling can support conversations about consent, affection and what feels comfortable. There is no requirement to resume intimacy on a particular schedule. Medical questions about pain, recovery or when sex is physically appropriate should be discussed with your healthcare provider.

Reminders, remembrance and everyday demands

A due date, anniversary, pregnancy announcement or unexpected question can be hard to face. You may also disagree about visitors, social events, photographs or how to remember your baby.

Sessions can include planning for these situations together. That might mean agreeing on a response to relatives, deciding who will handle messages, discussing what to say at work or making space for different wishes around remembrance. Your cultural, spiritual and personal beliefs matter in these conversations.

If you have other children, you can also discuss how to support them while acknowledging your own limits. Your therapist can help you consider whether additional child or family support would be appropriate.

Decisions about another pregnancy

You may want to try again, want to wait or feel unsure whether you want another pregnancy. Your partner may have a different view. Fertility treatment can add further decisions and pressure.

Counselling offers a place to discuss those differences without requiring an immediate decision. If you are already pregnant after loss, sessions can address how you communicate about fear, appointments and important dates. A subsequent pregnancy does not remove the significance of the baby who died.

Your medical team should advise on physical readiness and pregnancy risks. Alberta Health Services offers further guidance: Considering another pregnancy

What starting counselling involves

A conversation about fit. A free consultation lets you ask about the therapist's experience with couples, reproductive loss and bereavement. You can also discuss availability, delivery and fees before deciding whether to book.

Understanding what each of you needs. Early sessions explore the loss's impact on your relationship, your sources of support and what you hope to change. Your therapist will discuss consent, confidentiality and whether joint sessions are appropriate.

Agreeing on useful goals. These might include talking about the baby without every conversation becoming an argument, explaining when you need company or quiet, or making a plan for a difficult family event. You can start with a recent moment between you, rather than recounting the birth from beginning to end.

Reviewing the support. You and your therapist can revisit the goals, pace and frequency of sessions. Some needs may be better supported through individual therapy, medical care or peer support alongside couples counselling.

Get Reconnected's couples work includes relationship-focused approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy and Gottman-informed work. The approach depends on the practitioner and your needs. There is no single method or fixed number of appointments that every bereaved couple must follow.

More about couples sessions: Couples counselling at Get Reconnected

Reproductive mental health and relationship support at Get Reconnected

Get Reconnected supports individuals and couples with relationship concerns, grief, trauma and fertility-related experiences. The practice was founded by Delia Petrescu, a Registered Psychotherapist whose areas of work include couples counselling and pregnancy loss.

Delia's public conversation with Fertility Village explores grief after loss, including how partners can experience it differently. It offers a way to hear her perspective before contacting the practice.

Delia's profile: Delia Petrescu, Registered Psychotherapist

Fertility Village conversation: Healing After Loss on Fertility Village

Ask us about an appropriate therapist and current openings. Practitioner experience and availability vary; an enquiry does not commit you to starting therapy.

Appointments and fees

  • Online: virtual sessions for clients in Ontario.
  • In person: Toronto appointments, subject to the therapist's availability.
  • Couples session: the current published fee is $200 for 60 minutes. Confirm the fee when booking.
  • First step: a free 15-minute consultation to discuss fit and ask questions.

Current service fees: View current service fees

Questions about counselling after stillbirth

Answers to common questions about support, sessions and starting together.

Do we need relationship problems to start couples counselling?

No. Couples counselling after stillbirth can be a way to ask for support together, even when you feel close and rarely argue. You may want help discussing the loss, understanding different needs or preparing for difficult situations.

When can we start stillbirth bereavement counselling?

You can enquire when you want support; you do not have to wait until grief reaches a particular stage. A consultation can help you discuss what feels manageable now, including physical recovery and whether individual or joint sessions would be a suitable starting point.

Can we get help if the stillbirth happened years ago?

Yes. You can seek counselling for a loss that happened years ago. An anniversary, later pregnancy or change in your relationship may bring something into focus that you now want to discuss. The time that has passed does not make your concern unimportant.

What if my partner seems less affected than I am?

Your partner's outward response may not show everything they feel. Some people talk or cry; others grieve more privately. You can use sessions to ask about each other's experience and explain what support you need, without assuming you must respond alike.

Can I attend alone if my partner does not want counselling?

You can ask Get Reconnected about individual support even if your partner is not ready to attend. Individual therapy focuses on your needs and choices. It cannot speak for an absent partner, and starting alone does not guarantee that they will later join.

Is this support only for married couples or the person who gave birth?

No. Couples support is not limited to married partners or to the person who carried the pregnancy. Tell us about your relationship and the support you are seeking so we can discuss a suitable practitioner and format.

Will we have to describe the birth in detail?

You can tell the therapist that you are not ready to discuss particular details. Early conversations can focus on what feels difficult today and what you need from sessions. Ask how the therapist works with grief and trauma before agreeing to an approach.

Can stillbirth lead to trauma symptoms as well as grief?

Some parents experience post-traumatic stress symptoms after perinatal loss. Recurring distressing memories or feeling constantly on alert are reasons to seek an individual assessment, rather than assuming grief explains everything. Couples work may be one part of support; your therapist can discuss whether additional care is needed.

The Canadian Paediatric Society discusses grief and post-traumatic stress following perinatal loss: Canadian Paediatric Society: perinatal loss

Can counselling help us talk about sex and intimacy?

Yes. Conversations about affection, desire, consent and boundaries can be part of couples counselling. You can explain what feels comforting or difficult without setting a deadline for physical closeness. Your healthcare provider should assess pain or other physical concerns after birth.

What if we disagree about trying for another baby?

You can bring different wishes about future pregnancies to counselling without committing to a decision. Sessions can help you discuss fear, hope and pressure, including the possibility of waiting or not trying again. Your medical team remains responsible for advice about pregnancy timing and safety.

Can we talk about remembering our baby and supporting other children?

Yes. Remembrance, family traditions and parenting concerns can be discussed in sessions. You may want help expressing different wishes about names, photographs or important dates, or agreeing on how to answer your children's questions. More specific child support may require a separate referral.

How is couples counselling different from individual grief therapy?

Couples counselling focuses on how you relate and respond to one another after loss. Individual grief therapy centres on one person's experience. They serve different purposes, and either or both may be useful. Your therapist can discuss the roles and boundaries before you arrange combined support.

Can we attend online from different places in Ontario?

Ask about this when booking. Get Reconnected offers online therapy across Ontario, but the therapist needs to confirm each partner's location, privacy and session arrangements. Choose places where you can speak freely and let the therapist know if that will be difficult.

How many sessions will we need?

After an initial assessment, discuss an appointment schedule that fits what you want help with. You can revisit that plan as the work progresses. Ask about the cost of each session and avoid treating a particular number of appointments as a deadline for grief.

What should we know about confidentiality in couples therapy?

Your therapist should explain confidentiality and its legal limits before treatment. Ask how shared records, messages between appointments and information disclosed separately by either partner will be handled. Agreeing on these boundaries at the start helps you make an informed choice about joint sessions.

What does couples counselling cost, and can insurance cover it?

Get Reconnected currently lists couples therapy at $200 for a 60-minute session. Confirm the practitioner's fee before booking. Insurance coverage depends on your plan, the provider's registration and its rules for couples sessions. Check those details directly with your insurer before assuming reimbursement.

Is there free or peer support after stillbirth in Ontario?

Sunnybrook's Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network provides peer-support programs for bereaved families in Ontario. Its support differs from private psychotherapy and may be useful alongside it. Check current program details directly: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network

Get Reconnected's free consultation is an introductory conversation, not a free course of therapy.

For information about support after miscarriage and other pregnancy loss: Miscarriages and pregnancy loss therapy

What if talking together feels unsafe?

If you fear your partner, experience threats or feel unable to speak freely, tell a therapist privately before arranging joint sessions. Safety needs an individual assessment; couples counselling may not be appropriate. If there is immediate danger, seek emergency assistance rather than waiting for an appointment.

Ask about support for both of you

If finding words is difficult, an initial message can be brief: “We’re looking for couples counselling after stillbirth. Could we arrange a consultation?”

We can discuss practitioner fit, current availability and the questions you want answered before starting.

Book a free 15-minute consultation: Book a free 15-minute consultation

Phone: 905-439-6734
Email: [email protected]

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