There’s a certain kind of ache that creeps in around Mother’s Day when you’re struggling with infertility.
It starts quietly, maybe with a store display of baby clothes, or a friend’s social media post announcing their second pregnancy. And then suddenly, the ache is everywhere.
Cards, commercials, brunch plans, and well-meaning “when is it your turn?” questions.
It all becomes a cruel reminder of what you want so deeply and don’t yet have.
If this is where you are right now, remember that it’s normal what you’re feeling. This day can be one of the hardest days of the year.
Why Mother’s Day Can Be Exceptionally Difficult For Women Trying To Conceive
Mother’s day can be exceptionally difficult for many, but especially for women trying to conceive or women who lost a pregnancy, a baby or a child.
When you’re in the field of infertility, it’s not just a holiday, it’s a spotlight on everything that hurts.
There’s a silent grief that comes with experiencing fertility issues. You’re often grieving the loss of something you never got to hold.
There’s no funeral, no closure… just waiting, hoping, and wondering about your fertility journey.
And when Mother’s Day celebrations happen all around you, it can feel like being left out of a club you desperately want to join.
Even simple things like a commercial, a diaper ad, a brunch invite, can feel like a cruel reminder.
These aren’t just emotions. They’re the real mental and emotional health effects of experiencing fertility distress.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, infertility can significantly affect psychological well-being, increasing the risk of anxiety, depression, and identity loss … especially around emotionally loaded moments like Mother’s Day.
If your heart feels heavy, this blog on the 9 Stages of Infertility Grief may help you name your emotions and feel a little less alone.
You’re Not Overreacting – Your Brain is Responding to Emotional Triggers
Here’s the thing: when you’re trying to conceive (TTC), your brain changes the way it processes the world.
If it feels like everyone around you is pregnant, it’s not your imagination. Your brain is wired to handle emotionally loaded information.
The Reticular Activating System (RAS), a part of the brain that filters emotionally relevant stimuli, plays a big role in why pregnancy cues feel so unavoidable.
It basically works like a spotlight… it highlights things tied to what you care most about, like motherhood, fertility, and babies.
And when you’re already dealing with the chronic stress of infertility, your amygdala, the brain’s emotional alarm, becomes more sensitive.
It may treat these cues as threats…not because they are, but because they stir up loss and longing.
When you’re struggling to conceive, the brain tags every stroller, every belly, and every social media post as emotionally important. Add the stress of fertility treatments, and your emotional system becomes extra sensitive.
The impact? It can make even a normal Walmart trip feel overwhelming.
Infertility and grief make everyday moments feel emotionally exhausting. You’re reacting like any hurting human would.
Coping Tools to Help You Survive Mother’s Day During Infertility
There’s no right or wrong way to handle this day. But here are some gentle ways to survive it.
You don’t need to force joy or gratitude just because the calendar says so.
Create Your Own Meaningful Reminder
Mother’s Day doesn’t have to look one way. You can honour your path in quiet, personal ways.
Light a candle.
Write a letter.
Take a healing walk.
Plan a spa day.
Your grief and your hope both deserve space.
It’s OK to Turn Down Invitations
You don’t have to go to brunch if it breaks your heart. You don’t need to force smiles. It’s ok to turn down invitations.
You’re protecting your mental health, not being rude.
Take a Break From Social Media
It’s okay to take a break from social media during these days.
Curate your feed.
Mute triggers.
Avoid endless scrolling through Mother’s Day celebrations if it stings.
Name What You’re Feeling
This might be Envy. Guilt. Anger. Hope. ALL AT ONCE.
Naming it helps you hold it without being swallowed by it.
Infertility grief isn’t linear, it’s layered and real.
Lean Into Support
Talk to a friend.
A therapist.
A community.
Leaning into support helps keep grief from hardening into despair.
Sometimes just hearing words of comfort “You are not alone” makes all the difference.
Fertility Resources to Turn To When The Day Feels Too Heavy
Navigating this path is hard enough… one of the hardest days, even.
When it comes to infertility, you shouldn’t have to walk it alone. There are fertility resources and tools out there to help:
Support groups for those going through fertility treatments
The 9 Stages of Infertility Grief
Finding Hope on The Infertility Journey
Ask Yourself This One Question
If this day is a lot to carry, ask yourself:
What would help me feel just 10% more supported right now?
Maybe it’s saying no to a gathering.
Or muting a group chat.
Or reflecting on your number of eggs, embryos, treatment options…
Or just taking a nap.
You don’t need to wait for things to change to feel better. You just need the next right thing.
Mother’s Day Doesn’t Define You
You may not be a mother in the traditional sense, but the love, care, and effort you’ve poured into trying to get pregnant is real. And powerful.
This tough day doesn’t erase your value.
This holiday doesn’t define your story.
Your heart is still worthy of peace, protection, and honour.
You matter. Your story matters. And even though this chapter may feel endless, it is not your whole book.
You’re doing something so extremely hard. You’re surviving. And that’s enough.
Therapy Support
If you’re looking for support from someone who truly understands what you’re going through, book a free consultation.
Delia Petrescu is a reproductive trauma therapist who specializes in supporting individuals and couples navigating the silent grief of trying to conceive. She draws on trauma-informed care, emotion-focused therapy (EFT), and narrative techniques to help clients process complex emotions and build emotional resilience through their fertility journey.
